Including, but not limited to . . .

Oh, Robert Reed, dear Robert Reed! Blue Eyes, I flew straight here from the future to tell you to use condoms. It will save your life, Robert Reed!

(We are in love.)

Craig Spakowitz joined a cult: Part Religious Science, part steampunk. So did Cheryl. She dipped into the kids’ college fund to go to the national convention in San Diego wearing gears for a monocle and the tin man’s hands. No one would say it was her, just left me guessing, but I knew. She even died her blonde hair aluminum for the event. Afterwards, she came back wearing a pumpkin orange t-shirt to volunteer at the opening prayer ceremony for Pagans at State Fair Park. I was supposed to be a part of it but I didn’t want to. Everybody was trying to get me to go. Try it, you’ll like it!

I looked around me in panic. They weren’t Pagans. They were Pagan imposters.

Thankfully there was some confusion and the security officer wouldn’t let me through, so I made a break for it, walking purposefully around the perimeter so I’d look like I was doing something official (I, too, was wearing the orange shirt). Then I casually crossed the street and took the next bus to anywhere.

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